Cat's bum mouth

So not only are their assholes in libraries, but there are assholes in books too. Check out this dust jacket photo of an author of a book I was reshelving the other day:

She's got a real cat's bum mouth, this one. She should be, like, "Oooh yay, I just wrote a book. Lovely." Instead she looks like someone's just gone and clamped her car wheels.

And as for the poncey bio... Why do people insist on putting definite articles in front of slightly ooh la la occupations? eg Joe Toad, THE writer and Mary Wafflebum THE painter. What about Tom Bloggs THE plumber? Or Jane Doe, THE customer service officer? Hmmmm? No? Not ooh la la enough for you?

Bah.